I read a great op-ed piece from the Kalamazoo Gazette this morning I want to share that has a quote that sums up my feelings on a lot of diversity issues really well:
“When we physically step on another’s foot, we apologize. But, when we emotionally or psychologically step on another’s heart or mind, we often become defensive and go out of our way to prove that we were, or had, the right to step in the first place!”
Of course, the problem for many is in realizing when we do offend someone else, unintentionally. But I’m often amazed at how people what to focus on legal issues and rights (no doubt due to our country’s increasing litigiousness) rather than saying to ourselves, “I caused pain to someone else. I should start by apologizing.”
We often focus instead on our legal rights to say what we said–conveniently forgetting that having the right to say something does not mean that saying it will have no consequences. We often also choose to focus on why the other person/race/religion/whatever shouldn’t be offended. Personally, I’ve never told anyone how they should feel and had the situation work out well.
Ultimately, I’ve always looked at issues of diversity as just meaning a willingness to sympathize with people’s experiences and feelings, whether they look the same as you or not.
June 1, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Very good point. So often a simple and sincere “I’m sorry” makes all the difference. Sincerity is key. Most people are well intentioned. We rarely cause offense deliberately. But when we react to those situations defensively, the problem becomes much worse.